Reflection

This date is always heavy on my heart, I think about it every single day when I look at the two little faces staring back at me. This date and the months to follow are ingrained in my heart and mind and I will never, ever get over them. They are my part of my story.
Kaden and Kaleiah,
Today, July 29th, marks 2 years. 2 years since the most frightening day of my life. 2 years ago today, I was hospitalized on severe bed rest because I was in pre term labor with you.
I was 23 weeks and 4 days pregnant with you. I was having a blissful, "perfect," pregnancy and I honestly loved every single moment of it. I absolutely loved being pregnant with you. Your Daddy and I decided officially in January 2008 that we were ready to start trying for a baby. We weren't sure exactly when but we knew it would be soon. You were conceived at the end of February after ONE try. Imagine that... one try, two babies, a boy and a girl!
I got the pregnancy test that can tell you 5 days before you are late. I took the test on the evening of March 12, 2008. I set it on the counter in the bathroom and Daddy and I waited anxisouly, nervously making small talk, knowing in the next few minutes our lives could be changed forever.
I crept in and slowly looked at the test and my heart started racing. Your Daddy and I could not believe our eyes! We ran around the house like little kids on Christmas Day! Then we read the bible together, Praising God for this blessing. We had prayed for you, and we were blessed <3

I never had a minute of morning sickness, my pregnancy was pure bliss. I felt great the entire time (aside from feeling like I had been hit my two mac trucks. My poor body was working so hard creating TWO humans...at ONCE!). I loved all of the changes that were happening, showing me that you were growing healthy and strong. I loved my belly! I was in love with being pregnant with you.



Only July 23, 2008 I woke up feeling great like any other day and went to the beach with my Mom and niece Crystal. We were having fun feeling you kick :) I went home and showered and headed off to the hospital for my bi-monthly cervix ultrasound. This check up saved your lives. Turns out, I was in labor. I was contracting every 3-5 min and my cervix had shortened to 1cm. People ask me all the time how I didn't know I was in labor. The contractions were nothing new to me, I had been having Braxton Hicks since I was 12 weeks along. They were much stronger than normal and did seem more frequent but how at just 23 weeks would I think to assume I was in labor? But, I was on my way to delivering you. If I hadn't gone to the check up that day, you would not be here today. Even typing that makes me cry. I am eternally grateful to God for protecting us that day.
I went to this checkup alone, normally your Dad always went with me. But since it was just to check my cervix and not an ultrasound for you two, I told him he didn't need to come. So, there I was, getting checked and the Dr.'s face said it all. Kaden, your head was right there. Very, very low. I was IMMEDIATELY put in a wheelchair and rushed down stairs. Everything happened so fast and there was so much unknown. I was terrified. I asked if I could at least call your Dad and through my sobbing I told him to get there right away. I was put in a room and told to change in to a gown. I called my parents from the room phone and shortly Daddy, Grandma, Aunt Molly and Aunt Traci were there.
I was immediately given two shots of terbutaline, had an I.V started including a drip of magnesium sulfate, had a catheter inserted all in about 5 minutes. The terb shots made my heart race and feel like it was going to literally beat out my chest. It made me shake uncontrollably. The magnesium creates flu like symptoms, burning up but freezing, nauseous feeling and it also made me extremely sensitive to light. My Dr. (who I just love) came in. No one could tell me what was next or how long I would be in the hospital. I had no idea if I was going to deliver you. The Dr.'s and nurses were grim on the situation. Soon the contractions died down which was a VERY good sign! The next few days and even weeks, are sort of a blur bc of the mag. This med made me so blurry eyed and out of it. I couldn't even let the shades me drawn more than a sliver or it would kill my eyes. I had to watch t.v with one eye closed in order to see. For the next month I would be on this medicine but thankfully they would lower the dose. I was inverted for the first night (head lower than my feet) in order to take the pressure off of my cervix. I was told I would not even be allowed to sit up or do anything that used my stomach muscles.
The first night was so, so scary. Daddy and I just prayed all night. We prayed and cried and prayed and cried. That was two years ago today. I can't believe it.



I will be recounting my days in the hospital for you over the next 2 months. I truly hope that when you are grown up and reading this, that you will know what miracles and what precious gifts you are. By the Grace of God, you were protected that day. I love you more than you'll ever know!
Love always,
Mommy