A little recap of how it came to be...we felt God putting Nashville on our hearts (separately) for over a year before out of the blue Randy got a phone call from Crosspoint church. We did not seek out moving here or working for CP. All we knew was God was constantly putting it in the forefront of our minds and we talked about it often, it seemed like a wild and farfetched thing to even be entertaining and honestly we probably didn't think we would ever even go, if it came down to it.
You see, we had an amazing life that we built and LOVED in OC, everyday was like a dream vacation. We had the beach (where the kids and I were at every single day), Disneyland (where we could be found if we weren't at the beach), all of our family all within driving distance (making it about 25 people and that is just immediate family, half of which were 10-15 minutes away). We had 24/7 support, help, and family to hang out with and do life with. Of course we had best friends and everything and everyone we loved.
Randy had an amazing job at Saddleback church where he was employed for 13 years (it was our first and only church, where we met and got married), we loved our church, church family and Pastor more than words.
All that to say, we had NO reason to leave, to ever consider leaving, or the desire to. And another thing that made it seem crazy to was, I was pregnant with our 3rd child.
After a year plus of Nashville being in our minds and hearts, Randy and I said ok, whatever the reason God is nudging us about TN, we will NOT seek it out in any way. We will not apply, we will not visit, we will not seek this out on our own. If the Lord is truly asking us to go there or whatever the case may be, HE must show us that. Then we will know.
Within months of us making that agreement to each-other, he got a direct message on twitter from someone high up on CP staff asking if he would be interested in a position on staff (that Pastor Pete was wondering). Wow.
I still get chills. I'll never forget the day Randy called me and said to sit down. When he told me, I was in shock. We had just announced our pregnancy and the the timing just didn't make sense. We both knew this was The Lord showing us what He was doing. It was just undeniable.
Long story short, they flew us out for a few days, we toured the church and met many people on staff, Randy had a few meetings and interviews and we went to a Sunday service. From the get go, CP felt like home. We loved it! We loved Pastor Pete (whom we were familiar with), we loved the church and the vibe and everything about CP. From what we saw (which was little) of Nashville, we liked it too.
We spent about a week or so in serious prayer before we had to let them know our answer. This was the biggest thing we would ever do thus far in our lives, marriage and family. I was half way through my pregnancy and we knew if we did go that this baby would be born in TN.
Honestly, the odds were stacked against us and the timing made no sense at all. But we had peace. We made a huge list of pros and cons, we spent many nights up praying, we shed tears and wrestled with our thoughts.
The decision was THE hardest one we would ever make thus far. But it was clear and we knew that God was asking us to follow him to Nashville and that is why for over a year He had put it on our hearts and kept it there.
The peace we had about it was confirmation. It was the scariest, most terrifying choice we had to make and every fiber in our being said "No way!! This is too scary!!! We can't do this!!!!" But the Lord said trust me. Our hearts said, we trust you.
We had every reason to not do it, to stay comfortable in the life we knew and say no to God. But could we live the rest of our lives with regret and wondering if we missed out on what He had for us, what He wanted to do with and in our lives? Could we live with disappointing God and telling him "no?'
We couldn't and we didn't want to live with the regret and disappointing Him. We are called to LIVE our FAITH! We are called to rise up, take courage and put it in ACTION! We are called to be the body of Christ and a light to the world. Our faith is the foundation of our lives, our marriage and our family. We wanted to walk the walk. We wanted to chase after God. We wanted our faith to be bigger than our fear. We wanted to set an example for our children. So what if we failed? The chance of missing out if greater than messing up.
So at 33 weeks pregnant and with 5 year old twins who grew up in orange county, we left everyone and everything we loved.
The week we moved was exciting, scary and very sad. We were excited and anticipating the new life waiting for us. We were happy to be following God. But we were heartbroken leaving who and what we loved and knew. We spent months dreading the good byes. It was without a doubt, the hardest thing we've ever done, to get in our van and drive away and begin the 5 day journey across the country to start a new life.
Fast forward and 5 weeks after we move in, our baby girl is born. Her birth will have it's own post, soon I hope. So here we are, still hurting and healing from homesickness and adjusting to a new world and way of life, our world was turned upside down, still unpacking boxes and trying to get settled and then our life is turned upside down again by having a baby. That's right, we moved across the country, Randy started a new job and we had a new baby all in about a month. Can you say whirlwind? It's pretty impossible to even explain how crazy life was.
My mom was here for my last month of pregnancy (with my big sis for two week too) and for the first month of Paisley's life. I don't think I could have down it without her here. She helped us get settled and unpacked and then helped tremendously with the twins and baby. We were adjusting to SO much. It was overwhelming, it's really hard to even find the words. Here I am reeling from hormones from pregnancy and post birth, recovering from birth and two surgeries, mentally and EMOTIONALLY recovering from what had happened with her birth, still dealing with the sadness of being homesick, trying to figure out how to balance having 3 kids, nursing my new baby around the clock, I look back and can't believe it didn't slip into depression. It was A LOT to go through and to handle. But with God's strength, I stayed strong.
The first 7-8 months were riddled with amazing days and really hard days. I had a breakdown about once a month, I would just bawl off and on all day. I was so homesick and I was living a new life that I didn't know, I was finding my way in a new way of life. I was home alone all day with a new baby and two homeschooling kids. I was hormonal. I had no friends yet, Randy works 30 minutes away, baby nursed every two hours around the clock, being sleep deprived and feeling isolated and lonely, grieving and still processing what happened to me with her birth, it was only normal to have sad days. But I was over the moon with our sweet new baby and in regards to that, life couldn't be better. She was amazing and the perfect completion to our family.
The twins and I had to find a new normal. We went from being outside ALL day in CA, to being inside ALL day here. We moved here in the winter and because of the cold we were stuck inside of weeks on end. It was a really bad winter, worst they'd had in years and years. Then summer came and it being our first southern summer, we had a hard time adjusting to the heat, thick humidity and the bugs. We were only outdoors for an hour or so a day. Everything was a new experience, we were new to it all. We were doing our best to adjust. We would choose joy daily and make the best of every day. But it was HARD.
There was times when I would be so overwhelmed and stressed out, so tired and just needing a break and I would breakdown crying thinking that if we had never moved I would have help. I would have friends and someone to talk to all day other than 3 little people. That we would be outside getting SUN and exercise and not stuck inside going crazy. But I would reflect back on what God had told us and remember all the ways he showed us that He wanted us in TN and that we did the right thing.
At about the 8th month mark, during the BEAUTY of Fall, God spoke to me. While I always had peace about us following Him here, he gave me a new level of peace and comfort and I finally felt like TN was home. I fell in love with it and i felt a shift in my heart one weekend in October. Since then I have only cried once and I do not dwell on missing home, family and friends. I feel like we have created a life here finally and things aren't so hard. I am so thankful for that, for what God whispered to me that weekend and the peace He has given me. Now we are a year (and 2 weeks in) and it feels great to finally not feel so new, so unfamiliar. We are experiencing out 2nd winter and although I hated it last year and dreaded it this year, the fact that its our second time around in something here finally, feels familiar and good.
That's the summery of what it was like for me, adjusting to our new life. I want my honest and real emotions written down to always have to look back on. This has with out a doubt, been the hardest year of my life. It has required more faith and trust than ever. I also feel like I have grown the most. I know what I am made of. I went through so much change and hard stuff in just 6 weeks, and I am still standing. God is good and He deserves the credit. Without Him being my rock, backbone, protector, I would be a mess.
Soon I hope to post some of our fun experiences while living here! I can't believe it's already been a year!
Pics from our first road trip adventure out here and our first month here:
Every night they would look forward to going swimming at the hotels! They loved it!! They loved the road trip and talk about it probably 1-2 times a month, still!!
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